Why This Work

When I stepped out of my first closing as a real estate broker in 2005 I knew I had found work I truly loved. 

Helping someone I cared about with something that genuinely improved their life – it resonated deeply. I quickly realized this wasn’t just a job or a side hustle for me. I wanted to build a career around it.

So I did what you’re supposed to do: I immersed myself in the “best” training and coaching I had access to which happened to also be some of the best in the industry at that time.

Every bit of it was steeped in conventional sales tactics – scripts, objection handling, manufacturing motivation through fear. Their goal was to teach me how to get people to do what I wanted them to do, so I could get what I wanted to have.

It felt selfish, manipulative, and insincere.

I struggled. Hard.

Five transactions in three years. My first coach actually fired me when I refused to do the cold calls and door knocking he prescribed. He suggested I consider finding another line of work.

Tactics that the more transactional entrepreneurs tend to rely on didn’t just feel uncomfortable to me – they fundamentally conflicted with who I was and how I wanted to show up.

 After four frustrating years of trying to force myself into approaches that didn’t fit, I started over. I decided to throw out the conventional playbook and start by putting the person and the relationship ahead of the transaction in everything I did. 

Two years later, at the height of one of the worst real estate markets in fifty years, I earned more in one year than I had in the previous five years combined. I went on to build a 20+ year career where every client was someone I’d worked with before, or someone who was personally referred to me. No advertising. No sales calls. Just genuine relationships with incredible people.

The Relationship-led Difference

What I’ve experienced is not unique. Being a relationship-led entrepreneur means our relationships with our clients transcend transactions. We genuinely care about the experience they have when they work with us. We want to deliver at a high level because it’s what’s best for them. We want them to remember us for both our expertise, and how we made them feel. The last thing we ever want is for them to feel like just another client, transaction, or paycheck to us. 

These values are powerful assets in business, however, they can also create some real challenges. Sharing our successes and promoting ourselves often feels uncomfortable. We hesitate to raise our prices and we often under-value the difference we make for our clients. We struggle with saying no because we don’t want to damage the connections that matter. And the biggest one – we give far more of ourselves to our businesses and to our clients because the outcomes matters to us on a deeper level.

 Traditional business advice treats these hesitations as problems to overcome rather than what they actually are – signals about who we are as people at the heart of our business.

Misalignment 

When we try overcome values-based challenges in our type businesses using transaction-focused solutions we end up with a strategy full of activities which are mis-aligned with who we are as business owners.  

This makes it exponentially harder to execute with any consistency because what we’re doing isn’t enjoyable or authentic. Motivation is instead driven by scarcity and we taking action requires an ever increasing expenditure of our energy and willpower. Over time, consistency wanes, and the revenue roller coaster dips once again along with the return on our mental and emotional investment. 

For all of the impacts misalignment can have on a business, the biggest costs I see are realized in our lives outside of work.  The phone calls that pull you away from dinner,  the late nights and weekends you spend working instead of sharing experiences with friends and family, the long days when all you have time for is a quick drive through meal you eat while also texting and driving, another missed workout, another poor night’s sleep, the stress, the toll on your relationships – all so that we can eventually be “successful”.

My Personal Soapbox

These hidden costs are at the core of why I’m doing this work: I’m no longer willing to accept the entrepreneurial paradigm that we have to sacrifice our health, happiness, and relationships to become successful. 

I don’t agree that in order to grow our businesses we have to work harder and longer – that time on task over time is a viable approach. 

Burnout should not be a right of passage for an entrepreneur. Our families and friends shouldn’t have to accept getting whatever time and energy is left over. Taking care of ourselves and enjoying our lives isn’t a luxury we should only get to experience once we retire. 

However, in many circles, these trade-offs are considered normal. Expected. Even celebrated in by some as evidence of commitment and hustle. 

It’s not sustainable. And it’s not necessary.

The Power of Aligment

Bringing our relationship-led businesses into alignment with who we are, and how we want our lives to be, changes the entire landscape. 

When we build from a genuine foundation we can show up authentically, driven by contribution rather than scarcity. 

When we’re connected to our purpose and the larger reason we do the work, we no longer need permission to show up. We have nothing to prove and no one to impress – only people to help. 

We’re more productive and more consistent because we enjoy the activities we invest our time and energy into to grow, nurture, and support our business. 

We’re propelled forward, not by manufactured motivation, but by our desire to make something better for people we attract because our values and experiences resonate with them. 

Visibility stops feeling like self-promotion and starts feeling like service. Sharing our successes isn’t bragging; it’s showing what’s possible. Standing out isn’t about manufacturing a unique selling proposition or getting as many followers as possible – it’s simply honoring what’s genuinely unique about us. 

We make decisions with confidence because we have a compass. We set boundaries without guilt because we know what we’re protecting. We charge what we’re worth because we understand the value we create. 

Most importantly, our businesses and our lives are integrated. Success in business fuels greater enjoyment and freedom in our lives while the happier and healthier we become, the more our business thrives.